God

My girlfriend's family is Southern Baptist and I've been hanging out around them lately. I was raised Southern Baptist. I had questions since I was a little. A lot didn't make sense, just the concept of hell as the main thing. People who are never reached by those who could "lead them to god," or were reached, and then reject "salvation" with their >god-given< brains are going to hell to burn forever, and a lifetime within the space of all time is too short to figure this out in most cases. It just makes God out to be far more sinister than any picture of Satan I've ever had drawn out for me. They’ll tell you to go to church to have a personal relationship with God – doesn’t that seem backwards?

When I was 16 I studied with Jehovah’s Witnesses for a while. They didn't succeed in getting me to join but they did show me how pagan the whole lot of Christendom is, only with nature removed as natural and made to feel like guilty sin. I think the story of Adam and Eve describes the split between Nature and Human Nature. This isn’t because of JWs teaching me this, but it is because of how they dislodged me from the literal thinking that I was brought up in when it comes to the Bible and God. A lot of what I learned I still feel today. The Roman Catholic Church was seen as evil by Baptists, and by Witnesses alike, so I've never seen the Pope and all beneath him in a good light. I'll be seeing Da vinci Code soon too. Hmm.

I got into the Eastern stuff almost 10 years ago now, Buddhism mostly, Taoism too. I find it the most agreeable conceptually, but how to be good in this mode from one minute to the next day to day is far more difficult. Finding the good at the core within yourself takes much more diligence than having someone who supposedly has authority over you in a religious capacity telling you how to act. For instance the Tao in an angry moment is harder to reference in ones head than say, the 10 commandments are.

In the end I believe in God because I do find myself feeling spiritual. It's not something I can usually initiate. It just happens. Being around children or animals seems to be a good kindle. Nature in general I think. Many mornings in liquid solitude sitting and waiting for a wave and just watching the clouds sun birds and horizon interact is enough for me. I feel least spiritual in a church. I used to joke with people on this subject that I “…was an atheist until I took acid and found God.” Too many don’t get it though and think I’m trying to tell them acid is God. This is what happens in a richly materialistic society. The quantifiable stuff is the only reality. Consciousness becomes nearly fake.

So by strict definition I'm not an agnostic, I'm a non-religious spiritualist I guess, but most people see what I describe as agnostic, I don't care, call me what you want.

This is from my post at Hotelwomb.com on the existence of God.

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